Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
