I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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