I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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