Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
