How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
