So drunk its hurt
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
