he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
