Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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