I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
