xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
