I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize