we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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