shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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