her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
two words: eviction party
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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