i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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