remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
