He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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