Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
