she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
