i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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