It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
