he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
