I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
