$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there is glitter all over my balls
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
