she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
