Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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