i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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