you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
