Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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