I didn't shave. On purpose
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
