I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
