I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize