haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
