I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
