he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
