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Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
