just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
