please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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