I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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