You're so nebulous sometimes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
