Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
