this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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