I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
