she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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