I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
