Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
