u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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