we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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