another moral hangover. fuck.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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