yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
