that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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