I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
