I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
