Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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