are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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