You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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