ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fuck appropriateness.
this just has baby written all over it
He felt like a one man threesome
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
