I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
