i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wear drunk well.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
