Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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